


Everything Bends Until It Breaks

by Thatsarcasticidiot



Series: Sad [3]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Depression, M/M, Mark gets his heart broken a lot, Minor Ko eunji | Koeun/ Mark Lee, Minor Mark Lee/Park Jihoon, Multi, Sorry I made Jihoon and Koeun assholes here lol, Trust Issues, dw Donghyuck doesn't cheat on Mark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-07-07 22:18:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15917403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thatsarcasticidiot/pseuds/Thatsarcasticidiot
Summary: Mark shouldn't have let himself fall this deep, because in the end, everyone always leaves him behind.





	Everything Bends Until It Breaks

**Author's Note:**

> As with every fic in this series, it deals with mental health issues and depression. Please read with care

He was a very normal person, almost boring, his life mundane, his social life existing , but not exactly thriving. He was normal. He didn’t want to be though, Mark had constantly wished for some sort of excitement in his life, to match with the stories his friends told him, about the places they go, the people they’ve met, their talents and abilities. Mark had none of that, he was just a Canadian boy in Korea, who couldn’t speak Korean all that well. 

His first kiss is the only thing special about him, and in an undesirable way; he had bypassed the age thirteen, where all his friends and peers had had their first kisses, and all of the years up until fifteen without having his first kiss. Of course he was embarrassed. He was the only one who hadn’t kissed anyone yet. Luck was on his side though a few days after his birthday. He had just turned fifteen two days earlier, when a girl Mark knew, Koeun, had asked him out. He had immediately said yes, the embarrassment of being so inexperienced compelling him, mixed with the shyness of being seen as attractive, date worthy. 

Koeun was cute, and she had this weird habit of calling Mark his Korean name, Minhyung, which no one ever did apart from his parents, and when he finally questioned why, she responded with a shrug of her shoulders and an _‘it just seems more fitting’._ Mark never bothered to ask again. 

They were sixteen when Koeun had tried taking things further than just fleeting kisses, to which Mark abruptly pulled away from her, shying away and unclasping her hands from around his neck. When she asked what was wrong and attempted to climb into his lap, Mark stood up and took a step away from her, telling Koeun that he needed time and wasn’t ready.

She had tried the same thing many times afterwards, each time, Mark pushing her away, or changing the subject suddenly. It took four months for Koeun to break and thus, started the first argument of many.

“It feels like you don’t love me anymore!” Koeun was pulling at her roots, stomping around Mark’s bedroom, enraged after being rejected for the nth time.

“I do!” When he saw Koeun opening her mouth to object, he quickly continued, “I _do_ It’s just that we _can’t_ , we’re still kids Koeun.”

And he meant what he said, every word, he did love Koeun, but he wasn’t ready, they were too young, and he couldn’t deal with any issues that could arise from this. He just wanted to wait.

“But you don’t love me. You’re bisexual too, that’s double the threat, who’s to say that you won’t just get a boyfriend and leave me!” 

Koeun was being irrational now, Mark thought, in no way did what she was saying make sense and Mark wanted to remind her of that.

“We _both_ know that’s not how it works. You know that’s not true.” His voice was stern, almost like he was talking to a child.

“But what if it is, what if you cheat on me?” Koeun was near crying now, right in front of Mark’s face, throwing weak punches at his chest. How ironic.

Mark grabbed her wrists and attempted to console her, “Look, baby, I won’t cheat on you, boy or girl. I love you, and only you. Okay?” He began tickling her until she was in tears, her laughs loud and careless, before she finally agreed with his statement.

“I believe you, Minhyung. I love you too.”

 

-

Koeun cheated on him the next month. Mark found out from his best friend, Lucas. It was at a party, Yukhei tells him, and to make everything worse, she was completely sober. When he questioned her about it, she didn’t even try to deny it, her reasoning being that things were moving too slow in the relationship, and that she didn’t feel loved. It was Mark’s fault, he held off for too long, he should have given his partner what she needed from him. Koeun told him that it was best for the both of them that they should stop seeing each other. She had called him Mark, it was impersonal, like Mark wasn’t anything special to her, an acquaintance, someone she could go without seeing forever and be okay. She did. She was. And that’s how Mark’s first love broke up with him.

-

It took a while, but Mark was okay again. He was smiling again, no longer doubting his self worth as harshly, and perhaps most importantly, he had forgiven Koeun. They weren't exactly friends, but Mark didn't hate her for breaking his heart anymore.

He met Jihoon when they had been partnered up for a project that Mark really did not want to do, and had no time for whatsoever. Jihoon was sweet and understanding and did most of the project on his behalf, despite Mark's objections and overbearing guilt for doing next to nothing. Jihoon didn't mind however and reassured him that it was in fact, completely okay. 

Mark fell hard. It took him by surprise too, when he began noticing the pout of Jihoons lips, and the plushness of his cheeks, when he began noticing the cute curve of the corners of his lips whenever he found something mildly amusing.

It wasn't even like he was intentionally flirting with Jihoon, it was just so natural and fluid that he didn't even notice his own actions. He noticed Jihoon flirting back however. He noticed how Jihoon would always look at him through his lashes, or hold eye contact with Mark for way too long. Mark wasn't _that_ naive. 

Months of subtle glances and the slight brushes of hands later, Mark finally gathered the courage to ask Jihoon out on a date. Mark took it slow this time, waiting months before finally deciding to make a move, not wanting a repeat of Koeun. Her voice was still in the back of his mind telling him that he wasn't enough, telling his that he'll never be enough, that Jihoon deserves more than him.

He was ecstatic when Jihoon had accepted his offer to meet for lunch, finally feeling appreciated for once, babbling over the phone to Yukhei about how pretty Jihoon was, and how soft but deep his voice was when he spoke. Mark was sure he was falling in love again. Mark and Jihoon just clicked, their quiet but occasionally lively personalities fitting together perfectly, almost like pieces to a puzzle.

When the day finally came, Mark was bouncing in his seat, early for once, the excitement getting the better of him. Jihoon had walked into the cafè right on time, smiling his heart warming soft grin upon spotting Mark in his seat.

The date went well, the pair never running out of things to converse about, subtly playing footsie. It sounded like something straight out of a cheesy teen chic flick. Until Jihoon got a text, which made his eyes light up brighter than they had the whole time they were there. When Mark had jokingly asked who had made him so happy, he wasn't expecting the response.

"Woojin." Mark knew him, they shared a few classes together, he was an alright guy, always willing to lend a helping hand- "My boyfriend."

Mark felt his heart break. He heard it too. 

"Oh. That's nice." Mark had one question, "Does he know you're here?" 

Mark watched Jihoon fumble around for an answer. That in itself was an answer enough. Mark gave Jihoon a small smile, "Go back to him, he's a good guy. Don't break his heart."

Mark didn't want to see what had happened to him, happen to another, even at the cost of his own feelings. With that, he stood from his seat and left the cafè, willing the lump in his throat to stay down.

-

What made it worse was the fact that this couldn't even be counted as cheating, for the reason that they weren't even dating in the first place, and it made Mark feel even more silly for being upset over something as little as this.

Jihoon led him on and that was that, now, Mark just needs to move on. But why can't he? Every time he closes his eyes, Koeun appears, reminding him of how she was right , that Jihoon never wanted him, and when he opens them to get rid of her, Jihoon is there, sending pitying looks his way, his eyes filled with guilt.

He doesn't want his pity, it just makes him feel even more stupid for trusting him in the first place. That's how Mark came up with his solution to stop himself from getting hurt again. Most people he's trusted have either let him down, or used him, and at the end of the day, no matter how many fingers have been pointed, it's Mark's fault, for just giving his heart away like that. _He should have known better._

He ended up alone. Everyone that he had, he pushed away, afraid that they would leave him first. It's better if he consciously makes the choice to be alone, right? Instead of everyone realising that they were better of without him.

He turned to crime, shoplifting, to fill up his days where he had no one to talk to. He turned to shoplifting to give him the adrenaline having genuine fun used to. Mark was a lone wolf, up until meeting an orange haired boy on one of his trips, noticing the boy staring at him with wide, interested eyes.

He could just tell the boy wanted in, Mark was immediate to deny him, always preferring to do things alone, just so that when the time comes for people to leave, it wouldn't affect him. He didn't _need_ anyone else.

The boy had told him that he wasn't as innocent as he looked. He had a bright aura around him, one that Mark had last seen around Jihoon, and perhaps it was that, that persuaded Mark to let the nameless boy tag along with him while he stole. Mark just knew that this was going to end in heartbreak. He was always too trusting.

The boy, or Donghyuck, as he ended up telling him, was always talking, millions of new ideas constantly popping into his head and making their way out of his mouth. 

When Donghyuck had told him that he had nowhere to go, Mark didn't care, it was none of his business what that boy did, or where he was going to stay, but when he looked at Donghyuck again, something in him was struck. Maybe it was the plumpness of his lips that was oh so similar to Jihoon's, or maybe it was the softness of his features that was reminiscent of Koeun, that made him reconsider his life of solitude.

Mark offered Donghyuck a place to stay for the night in his apartment. One night the turned into two, then three, then seven, and soon, it was an unspoken agreement that Donghyuck was just a second resident of the apartment. It was such a drastic change from his previous lonely life, and it brought Mark back to his old self.

Donghyuck had elements of people Mark had loved, parts of him the shouted Yukhei, Jihoon and Koeun, and surprisingly, himself. Donghyuck changed a week after he began living with Mark, becoming a shadow of his former self, and an almost identical image of Mark's current self. 

Donghyuck had experienced depression, there was no doubt about it, but there was nothing that could explain Donghyuck's moods of mania, where he would not stop talking, and had idea after idea, plan after plan, taking risk after risk but suddenly, it was like he was stuck on pause, the ideas declining to a halt, and his words decreasing to just a few. Both Donghyuck's were irresponsible, but depressive Donghyuck was too bed ridden and sluggish to do anything he wished to do.

Mark felt bad for the kid, but realised that he probably wanted pity as little as Mark himself did. 

The other five boys had become a constant in Mark's life, after meeting them at a party they'd all either been dragged to, or willingly attended just to mute the craziness in their minds. He doesn't know how to live without them, and Mark knows how dangerous that is, because every single one of them is going to leave him eventually. Mark shouldn't have let himself fall this deep, and he needs to do something about it. But for now, they just need to get on with their lives before things become too much. 

Mark wonders when that'll be.

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like these fics each have an element of how I feel hidden within them, it's a nice outlet I guess.


End file.
